sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
