i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
