the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
