doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
