party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
