She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
