My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize