I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
