just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
