so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
