What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Randomize
