it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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