Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
