Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
