why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
