It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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