i think my tv is drunk
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
