i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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