going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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