i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
