my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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