so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
