In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
