I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
