It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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