I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
