Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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