My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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