Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hippo gnu deer
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
