dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
