And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
