this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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