You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
