roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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