If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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