Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
