Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We had to coat check the pizza.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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