well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
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I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
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She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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