Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
