literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
