Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
