Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
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This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
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Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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