last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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