He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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