first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
