So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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