That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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