he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
