yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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