I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
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He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
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Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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