I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
