i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
