Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
