I cannot find my penis.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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