i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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