Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
