part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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