Umm I'm too high to move.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
