put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
