There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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