he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
