Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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