Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
