It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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