I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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