I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
