If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
