I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
