Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
