i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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