Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
