upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
