He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I wear drunk well.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
