my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
