My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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