Cold hands, warm shart.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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