so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
