I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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