i always forget guys have bellybuttons
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
