There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
