the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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