i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
