Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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