Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
