So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
