I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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